I am such an insomniac this week (well actually I have been my whole life, especially this week.) I looked up insomnia and this is what it said: inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.
Ive sort of accepted the fact that I will go through spurts where sleep will be forsaken for other things: Namely my liberated resistance to learning how to quiet the mind and the heart. My resistance to the fact that nothing other than this present moment matters. Not what what happened in the past, not what is to be in the future, but this (that) present moment of being warm, safe and horizontally snuggly.
However, I have come to realize somethng most incredible. I have my clearest moments of epiphanies and great wisdom when lying in bed with my thoughts. And it usually carries on through my dreams. Why is that? I find strength in re-evaluating the day and counting my blessings every night before I go to sleep. It’s just sometimes my head is filled with emotion instead of my heart and soul capturing the feeling where it belongs.
However, although today Im insanely tired, I came to the conclusion last night that I actually need to embrace my exhaustion today. If I wasn’t ever exhausted how could I ever appreciate feeling of being well rested and peaceful? I'm not going to fight for sleep,(to be honest it's too exhausting), and besides tea and coffee become my crutch to comfort my woes. I'm going to let my thoughts run as they should, in and out, but more importantly through me. Like how binary stars come into orbit. At first they discover each others pull, but once they find their center gravity mass they create not only a beautiful balance but also an amazing orbital spin that lasts for millions of years.
So I need to do the same and let my thoughts and dreams be free. Free in the physical realm and my spiritual being (my prayer and mantras), simply free. Let go of trying to clear my mind. Exhaustion and peace are relativley the same, depending on how you see it.
How many times have you told yourself to go to sleep and got even more stressed about not sleeping it only fueled the cause of you not being able to sleep, thus causing more stress? Vicious cyle. I do it all too often.
Tonight I hope to have visions of leprechauns, rainbows, and four leaf clovers in my head before I drift off.
How are you sleeping these nights? What keeps you awake? How can you let go of the sleep you forsake?
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