cupcakes and touchscreens......

I am eating a cupcake right now. Apparently everyone at work was born in October or November and , therefore, we have a had plethora of grocery store bought cakes and cupcakes for the past month. I try to avoid the temptation , but who am I kidding? I see the primary colored frosting and I'm like a dog with a snausage dangling in its face. Of course I'm goingto have some. However, trying to sneak a peek at a text or two, I nonetheless have sticky fingers and blue frosting drying crustily on my screen. Some things, both equal in my pleasure pool, simply just dont belong together.

Ive been going through an odd phase lately. Needless to say, insomnia is rampant. I actually have had several blogs half finished that I never posted. I was going to post my answers on the props and candidates merely to promote a discussion amongst ourselves but for some reason, half wrote it, got another idea, wrote another blog, and half-lifed that one too. Sometimes creativity comes and goes like waves of emotion wrapped in an undertow of logic.

I recently connected with a former person in my life. Its funny how old emotions evoke new ones , only for you to realize the old emotions are where they should be... in the past. It is sometimes difficult to separate what is new in a re-born relationship from what is old. And furthermore, is the old stuff that is still there good ? or bad? or is it simply what it is? Either way, plucking through the emotions one by one is starting to take its toll. Ive always had issues with letting go and accepting what you cant control. I think after this cupcake I know the real issue: control.

Some things just simply don't go together: red bull and a Valium, water and oil, touchscreens and cupcakes, control and fate. Every relationship I have in my blessed life with family, friends, lovers, starngers, all have so much to offer and so much to teach me. But only if I listen and let go. I am an everyday learner and just have to accept the journey rather trying to steer it. It is beyond my control. I cannot control another persons feelings no more than I can , essentially, control my own. ( BTW As I write this I hear Janet Jacksons "Control" song in my head.) Wallowing in what I want or don't want doesnt assist in getting me to where I need to be. But you know what? Sometimes its much easier to blog it out, but not change my action. Almost as if because know better, I can actaully get away with doing or saying the wrong thing, simply because I know the difference. You and I both know that is not true. Feeling bad about stealing the cookie from the cookie jar doesnt change the fact that you stole the cookie.

Sometimes I wish I was just not as perceptive as I am. I could just play dumb and tune out my strong notion to listen to my heart all of the time. But then again, I certainly wouldn't be the free spirited soul I am. It all comes as a gift disguised like that package at Christmas that you are positivie are socks, so you save it to open last. Only to find it's exactly what you wanted and didnt know it..... (* what is up with me and all of these analogies today?.....)

Beautiful Surprises will come and they will go.



At any rate, that is my beef and what I am working on this week: letting go of it all so I can be "present" for it all. And really, who am I kidding? This is a lifelong process. One day at a time was created for a purpose.

Is there anything you over-control in your life? Could you free up your energy to be in the now?

If so, lets work on it together. I've got your back. Hope you have mine.