Circle

My grandpa just recently passed and I am sad that I could not be with my family during this time to celebrate his long and amazing life. There have also been other deaths amongst friend that have surrounded this simultaneously. Hence, my long departure from blogging has been re-rejuvenated with a new breath of life which motivates me to release these thoughts and feelings to the Universe.


I think of my grandpa with fond and happy memories as a child and through my adulthood. He was such a gentle soul and gentleman who cared and loved everyone around him with the most gracious and open heart. He would always hold the door for my beloved "granny", even in his later years where it would take 15 minutes it get to the door and even if he was exasperated from the short journey. He was loved and graciously loved in return with the highest respect I could muster up. He will be missed but the impression he leaves on me truly lives forever.

Yet, even in sadness I celebrate life, and the circle it entails.

I am convinced that every soul has a journey that they are destined to take part in. Some lives are long and some are simply cut short due to circumstances beyond our control. This notion is often hard to accept and sometimes its difficult to believe that we don't necessarily get to "run the show." There is a line that is drawn which lies between the soul's journey, and the line in which we do have control. This causes many questions deep down in all of us, especially in time like these. Many questions follow accidents, suicides, murders, and that little cliche that  "it was just their time." There is also the advancement of scientific medicine. Often, modern medicine can create amazing miracles, but it also carries the burden of prolonging pain and suffering preventing them the peace they long for. Quite a quandary in this give and take of what we can and cannot manipulate in this life and what we choose to give up to your and my higher being we choose to believe.

However, I do know this:

Our loved ones  live through us in many complicated, yet simple ways. They leave footprints on our soul. In those moments, they cross your mind throughout your day without announcement, but just by chance.Its in those funny little moments through your day they cross your mind, that they are present with you.

I get up for work every morning and walk past a picture of my "adopted grandparents" placed in my bookcase. Most times, I walk past, simply getting on with my day, hustling to work or out to run errands. But every now and then, I stop and look, maybe say a prayer, sometimes even speak to them aloud explaining a current situation I am going through, asking them for their love and support.

It is in these small seconds, I feel their sense of being in my soul, and can truly feel their presence. Simply supporting me and listening as I go through life. Maybe even hearing an echo within my soul telling me in 20 years, I wont even remember what it was that troubled me so.

Even better yet, sometimes their presence comes through in a way that is a small habit I do, like an ingredient I choose to substitute in a recipe because it was shown to me. Memories come to me in flashes. And they bounce in and out of my mind, but never leave my soul if I choose to acknowledge it and their imprint is alive and well.

Life is funny and  how it goes. We tend to hang on to survivals guilt, wondering why their souls journey is different than our own. Often we feel guilty of not doing or saying enough to the people we love while they are here, or we forget to live our daily lives as if just possibly there is not tomorrow. But in the end, these are hard and heavy burdens to carry and prevent us from being present in our own situations.

What should lie behind our intentions is to love freely and unconditionally with no reserve and believe that there is a possibility of a place full of peace,  free of space and time, that is unfathomable, until you are there. Tell your friends, and family you love them. Smile to make someone’s day better because the simple act alone makes life more worthwhile. The circle of life is complicated, but there is a reason and purpose for every soul. Recognize that purpose and know that the person you may love and miss is carried within you. In those little moments you laugh aloud by yourself by just a memory of them, they are most certainly with you and permeate your being. This I find to be the most comforting of all, this overwhelming sense that they are there.  For me, it is something I do not feel I make up to make myself feel better or create an answer, it just simply is. It is only my job to accept it.

I truly feel they are there and you are more complete and fulfilled that you were a part of their journey. You would not be the same person without them, and the beauty of it all is that they were destined to be your father, mother, grandparent or friend.

So be overfilled (and when I use the term overfilled it is not to be taken lightly) with joy and gratitude that you were blessed to be a part of them and that they are still with you. They will never leave, for they live through you, they always have, and they always will.