gotta have some faith in the sound....

While jammin out to my ipod I listened on my walk to George Michael's "Freedom". I love this song i always have. I remember clearly the video on MTV with all of these gorgeous supermodels lipsynching the song. But there's one line in particular that got me to write this blog: "Have some faith in the sound, it's the one good thing that I've got."

I have always sang since I can remember. My first solo was in kindergarten. I got the pleasure of singing "This land is my land this land is your land..." ...to be honest, that is all of the lyrics I can remember.... But I do remember singing it with all my at all of 6 years old and feeling so special that I got a moment to blurt the tune out. I sang it with another boy and to this day I cannot remember his name. I have one picture from that day, and it is dear to my heart.

There was just something about music that resonated with me that I couldn't describe. It was an outlet to a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before. Even at such a young age, I had found something that was special and different and something that would change my life.

Most musicians will admit that there are certain moments when the soul or self will get get lost in the sense of time and space when performing, it is a notion that is driven by a deep passion. A sense of oneness where everything is at it should be. That is why they are performers , that is why they are musicians.

Ever since that moment in kindergarten i have had music in my life. I started with the recorder in third grade ( honestly it was required that third graders toot on a recorder so not neccessarliy my own initiation), followed by the clarinet . I loved the sound the sound of the wood instrument, even if the reed got all sticky with my saliva. Then I tired of the clarinet and went for a string instrument. Looking back I wish i would have chosen the guitar but instead I woke an hour early before the rest of the school to practice on a viola. I really wanted the viola and me to work out but then 7th grade came along and the chance to audition for choir had arrived.

I dropped everything and anything I was involved in to be in choir. Besides, it was "cooler" to be in choir than be a band member, so in order to preserve my reputation, I joined the 7th grade choir. However in hindsight, let it be known that band kids are cool and amazing and have incredible talent and determination to follow their dreams. I think it should be the opposite, the cool kids should all be in band.

My mom always did her best to support me in my passion. She provided me with voice lessons through my early high school days , even though I know very well she couldn't afford them.

I continued in high school , landed the role of "Laurie" in the musical "Oklahoma" my senior year. I even continued through my first year of college as a music major.

It was extremely intense my first year as a freshman in college, taking 12 out of 14 credits strictly in music analysis, voice lessons, transposing music, piano etc....It was too much and I decided to drop out of the major. But before I did, I went on to audition for the top choir of the University, and to my surprise made it. Of the four sopranos, I was one of them.

I took that as a sign to stay with it and stayed on for another semester as music major. Eventually my knack to party it up and meet new friends and the overall intensity of the program made me realize that maybe I wasn't meant to be a choral director. Afterall i was 19, I really didn't know what I wanted.

But I vowed to never let my undying love for music fail and to always keep it as a hobby. When I moved to San Diego, that is one of the first things I did. I divulged myself into coffee houses and made amazing friends who share that same passion , and eventually I found a community choir to join her in SD.

I love being in choir. The goal of any good choir is to make a group of voices sound as one. You listen to the person next to you and fluctuate your sound in order to create a common ground. Your voices should be one. This pertains especially in your vibrato. You learn to tone down vibrato and make a "straighter" tone in order to create that oneness. I am sometimes quite cortical of choirs because sometimes there is that one person who chooses to stick out. They may have an amazing sound, but in the scope of singing with others on the same level, it is not the intention of a choir.

* on that note, i remember in highschool at a choir festival there was one choir who held hands during their performance. It united them so microscopically that they even breathed in silently synch. I thought it was a great idea and a beautiful interpretation of music

Lately i have had a yearning to step out of being blended with one voice and find my own voice again. I have always been afraid to sing in front of others. My vibrato goes crazy when Im nervous, and i sound like I am hooked on to one of those "fatbelts" that came out in the 70's that promised to make you lose weight if you stood and let it shake you around.

I also get emotional when I sing in font of others for some reason. I now think it may be because I surprised myself from what comes out of me, but sometimes in a close audience its hard to see everyone looking at you. When I performed for my highschool musicals, it was not such a big deal because I could never really clearly see anyones face disicntively.

When I was 15 I had a recital ( from my voice lessons we couldn't afford) and I had worked so hard for months on my arias. I was performing songs from "Phantom Of The Opera." I had prepared "Think of Me" , and other arias. I had practiced diligently with my coach and everyday with Sarah Brightman on my stereo. I was ready for the show.

My mom bought my a dress and I was ready to perform. Yet when I saw in the crowd all of the family and friends who had come to see me, I was so moved i barely uttered the right notes. I'm sure it was partly nerves but I was so touched in that moment that my intention to give a great performance tumbled to the ground. I was humbled and couldn't get the notes out. I was left in my teal and black dress mortified because I had done it hundred times over way better, and me amy mom, and voice coach were the only ones that knew it.

Which brings me to today. I had vowed earlier this year to try to feel more confident about the sound(s) I can make. And taking it further, I told Cammille whom is coordinating "The Relay For Life" entertainment with me, that I would sing the National Anthem to kick the event off. I sort of volunteered myself without really thinking about my hesitations and history. But Im glad i did. I think it is about time I simply share what God gave me. Im no superstar , nor do I want to be. I would be happy just having a little singing family that sings carols together at Christmas time and a household full of music and love.


Which now brings me to this:
Whatever passion you have , it lives in you. Trying to turn it off is like trying to catch a star in a jar. It really is no good to try. So embrace it. Find your voice. it may be in charity, it may be in your job, it may be how you act as a parent , sister, daughter, son, it may be as simple as the way you say hi to a stranger in passing. It IS there, all you need to do is recognize its calling. For it is already yours, it just needs to be claimed. I am trying to do that now. I will have some faith in the sound. Afterall, blind faith is the best kind.

Sun is shining.....

Today is beautiful in so-cal. The Marine layer has parted and the Sun has graciously stepped into center stage, even at 7:00 am this morning. I have a million songs of Summer lovin' in my head. What's your favorite Summertime song?
Here's some Ill be jammin out to when I make a playlist after work....
1. Bob Marley Peter Tosh ( this is not seasonal, this is anytime, anywhere, anywho, any-everything music, but when the Sun is shining it makes these two guys even more magical)
2. Toots and the Maytals (see #1)
3. The Sundays- Summertime
4.Sunny Afternoon- Stereophonics
5.In The Summertime- Bob Dylan
6.Summertime - From Porgy and Bess-- However I love Louis Armstrong
7.Summertime Dream- Gordon Lightfoot
8. Flower rs in your Hair- Scott McKenzie
9. Doin Time- Sublime
10.To the Music- A-Teams
11. Isle of Capri- Frank Sinatra
12. I will be there- Van Morrison
13. Summertime -- Will Smith --- Okay I dint REALLY care for this song, but I say that, and then every time I hear it, I still get jiggy with it... I mean really who am I kidding ?!?
14. California Girls-- Beach Boys
15. Under The Boardwalk-- Drifters
16.Boys of Summer- Don Henley
17. Daisy Summer Piper- Joni Mithcell
18. Steal my Sunshine- Len
19. Walkin on Sunshine- Katrina and the waves
20. Sunshine- I can Fly, Raul Midon

So that's a start of a sunshine play list.... I cant wait to go home and make a fun Summer mix. Ill make you one too if you want. xo

Pen and paper make whoopie

A later Summer and an early Fall
iIt's still shiny and new
YOur hair is a Kingdom.
I constantly search for Humpty Dumpty
But somehow all of the Kings horses are already gone.
And now all the Kingsman only want Omlettes.
Humpty has the Kingdom all to himself,
once he puts himself back together again.







Love is the heaveanly soul.
Drawn from teh curtains, shadows form the luminous
truth, the kind you can only hope your blind faith cannot resist
It is in this place you hear the ginger whispers of all of your insecurities
Doing your best, I purpose, you are the answer
and the problem.
You find yourself
where you started
in the figure eight- which if you recall, means eternity
The rain and fog clear in an hour's time
and the wind
falls green in my mind
By the time the moment should splash against the pumpkin sky,
you will be where whence you started.
and the inifinty will endure.






Ive already memorized the lines-
they were just locked away.
It's no surprise I lost the key.
I needed to borrow some light form the North Star to find it.
I kindly asked.
And received an encore from Aurora Borealis.
The key was never discvored.
Because like a whisper to a cotton cloud
-it was never needed.



Haikus are so fun
They make you count in your head
My haiku for you.




Lovely and steady
whispering winds cry love
grattitude proceeds

I can only be free if you are free.

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. ~Napoleon Bonaparte

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Author unknown, sometimes attributed to M. Grundler


No one is free when others are oppressed. ~Author Unknown

Give me Liberty or give me Death!~ Patrick Henry , said during a speech during a Virgina Convention just shy of a year before July 4th,

July 4th is one of my favorite Holidays we Americans celebrate. I could say its because of the pretty fireworks ( My favorite ones are the ones that sparkle as they cascade down, simulating a Marilyn Monroe gown). I could say its because I like the "Oh Say Can You See" lil jingle. I could also say like it so much because we tend to surround ourselves with family and friends. Or I could also say I love the 4th because I was born the day after, so sometimes I get lucky and get a cupcake at midnight to chime in my bday. But being a true cancer sign (and rising sign for that matter), I am driven by my inner spirit for this innate passion for our freedoms and am an avid patriot, and that is really why I like this holiday.

On July 4th, 1776 the Continental Congress (AKA "our awesome Forefathers") decided to officially claim their independence from Great Britain by en stating "The Declaration of Independence." They had actually passed the vote itself on July 2, however, they made some quick final revisions on that balmy summer day before they all signed it one by one.

I can only imagine what it would be like to have been in that room. The Revolution had been long, yet the pride and blind faith of those men in the room and the residents in those 13 colonies, never stopped their dream to be free.

Now please do not misunderstand, we still had a VERY long way to go before abolishing slavery, giving women their full right to vote, and many other facets of true freedom and equality. But it was a beginning. A beginning that was guided with an unstoppable belief. Belief that those soldiers that lost their lives in the Revolutionary War were not lost in vein. Belief that freedom creates an opportunity to grow and become what we are today.

I am thankful for those gentlemen in that room on that day in 1776. I am thankful for their courage. I am thankful they had a vision. A viiosn that involved being freedom to rule ourselves.

The world around us is not so lucky. Freedoms do not exist for everyone outside these walls. Try to for one moment think about not having a simple freedom you have everyday. A basic human right. Now imagine you could not do that.

Or imagine being forced into sex trafficking at age 11. Imagine being born during the Hitler's reign and being Jewish. There are many examples, some more painful than others. Freedom is precious.

I am thankful for every single person that serves our country in the military. Whether or not I agree with what we are choosing to fight for, those individuals are willing to make a sacrifice not only for themselves, but for you, and me. They sacrifice time away from family, friends, the comfort of familiar foods, housing, and even their lives.

I salute you all. I salute Abraham Lincoln for realizing that abolishing slavery was worth the lives lost in the civil war. I am thankful for Thomas Jefferson who so poetically created a wonderful document that still stands today. I am thankful for Francis Scott Key for inspiring to write an amazing song with so much passion, while staring at flag still waving in battle. I am thankful for Martin Luther King Jr. , a true hero, who led others to freedom, without implenting violence.
If those guys could see us now...........

Happy 4th of July! I hope you have a safe and happy Holiday.

One of my favorite freedom songs:

An African Hymn done in chant. I think it might have been one of the first acapella songs for a choir I ever sang:

Oh Freedom,

Oh Freedom,

Oh Freedom

Freedom is coming ;

oh yes I know

(REPEAT twice)

* you tube it, its a catchy lil jingle:)