From no w to iphone

I have no "w" on my phone, or "q" for that matter seeing how they are placed on the same key. Ive been meeting new people lately and always have to text " sorry I have no double you on my phone." So "awesome" looks like "aesome", a phrase like "when will I see you?" comes to be "hen ill I see you?" and so forth. Some people (that know me well) get very confused I am a pretty colorful texter so taking a "w" out of my texts makes it doubly confusing. So, I realize I should get a new phone, however, being a cancer through and through I like to procrastinate sometimes ....so sorry if "hen" I text you it translates into "ords" that don't add up

*Update- I got an iphone. Take that procrastination!



 

The cold never bothered me anyway. Let it go or lower expectations.....

Recently the movie “Frozen” has taken storm appealing all ages alike and with it comes its notorious song “Let it go.”  I must admit if it plays on the radio on my way to work, I'm that girl with the windows closed rocking out and singing.  Granted this not the song I'd be playing getting ready for a night on the town for a date or to meet friends out but nonetheless there is relatability to it that is undeniable.

I practice my life to the best I feel I can to ”be here now”  and “be in the moment” not pressing my happiness “on” others or, more importantly, “in” others. Sounds great right?

However, I said practice….. and this life is a constant whirlwind of learning in a big dress rehearsal. If I were “in the at moment” all times I would be happy inside in every single moment, never allowing the actions of others to define or affect me (effect or affect?).  On the other hand, if I don’t give in to the fact that others do effect me, then I never get the chance to spiritually grow out of that notion. I don’t get to have the light without the darkness….so I can’t be a ray of sunshine every single moment. My mood swings are sometimes in a playground of swings so that’s just not going to be the case. Besides, my soul needs the experience of holding on too much in order to practice letting go of that familiarity, pushing to explore the unexpected happiness that is present if I let it in.

There are times when you have the choice to let it go, and the beauty of that is that you have a choice. However… there are other times when you don’t have a choice to let it go. For example, a business deal that must be followed through, an in-law, an ex-boyfriend that has the same group of friends etc.  The situation cannot be abandoned or “let go” in a special sense and you must face it with as much grace and dignity as you would expect your heart to allow.  What do you do then?  My answer…. Lower expectations, which turns out can and much harder than letting it go. 

The trickiest part for me is that I pretend I don’t have these great expectations for others, regardless of the situation. For example,  where I'm “supposed” to be in this stage of life, where my career lies, my relationships with friends, co-workers, dating, etc.  I somehow try to trick myself into thinking I don’t have set expectations for my relationships and certain situations. But let me be the first to gracefully face the situation and admit the truth: if you are my friend, and ex, a co-worker, family, I do have expectations of you. That may be holding me back from letting go and residing in the beauty of whatever our relationship may or may not be, but sorry, I hold you to a certain level reciprocal actions, even when I know I cannot control anyone's actions but my own. I expect my friends to be there for me, I expect co-workers to extend a virtual and sensible environment to learn and go, I expect my family to be there for me always, etc., etc.

So if it cant be “let go” so to speak, what else can I do?....got it…  Lower my expectations of the situation or that person. Once again sounds great right?  Here’s where it gets a little sticky for me and in my life as of late. I find myself trying to trick myself into thinking I've lowered expectations, but I really haven’t.  I’m simply pretending (to myself mind you) that I don’t hold that person to that level of expectation. Its  the finest art of self-trickery, where you are the loser and the winner all in one, but gets you nowhere fast.

I recently read an article titled: “Officials “lowering expectations” on Flight 370, warn answers may never come.”  I thought to myself “what the heck does that really mean?”  I can see what it means on the surface but are the expectations of the public lowered when speaking  of finding a plane with 280 passengers that  fell off the earth with virtually no trace?  I suppose if they were to announce that the black box has lost its ping and we have not found the aircraft we won’t be so disappointed?!  Still remains a horrible tragedy whether we find out what has happened or not.  We hope can only learn, give hope and love to the survivors’ loved ones, and hope one day the answers may come. 

Same goes for me. Of all the disappointment I feel or have felt, I hope to learn and offer myself the love and support I need and know the answers will come in some facet.

And I will do that by lowering some expectations in situations and others, from my authentic heart and not just logic. Even more so, I’m going to take expectations and turn them on myself, of course, within reason.

 I’m going to wake up tomorrow and expect that I will take the day to have gratitude for my health and that I am self sufficient and have access to love and happiness at every moment.  I am not going to expect that call that I feel so desperate to receive.  I am going to do my best to not think of all of the things people are not being to me, but I’m going to pay full attention to all of the people that offer kind gestures, compliments, and a warm smile.  Those are the people that deserve my full, undivided attention.  I’m going to expect that whatever I endure I will handle it with grace and my best foot forward. 

I am hoping to find that lowering expectations of others will lead to the ease of letting go rather than just having to do it cold turkey.  I was never one that yielded kindly to black and white scenarios, I play more in the shades of grey, so its more my style anyway.  So I'll ease into letting go of what I cannot control and ease into what I can control.. which ultimately is myself.

After all, the cold never bothered me anyway.

What expectations of others can you let go of today?  Maybe your personal journey is to let go of expectations of yourself?  Whatever that personal journey is find one thing to practice on today, and make sure it is from the heart, and not just logic.  More times than not, they do not align but the heart tends to win.

Circle

My grandpa just recently passed and I am sad that I could not be with my family during this time to celebrate his long and amazing life. There have also been other deaths amongst friend that have surrounded this simultaneously. Hence, my long departure from blogging has been re-rejuvenated with a new breath of life which motivates me to release these thoughts and feelings to the Universe.


I think of my grandpa with fond and happy memories as a child and through my adulthood. He was such a gentle soul and gentleman who cared and loved everyone around him with the most gracious and open heart. He would always hold the door for my beloved "granny", even in his later years where it would take 15 minutes it get to the door and even if he was exasperated from the short journey. He was loved and graciously loved in return with the highest respect I could muster up. He will be missed but the impression he leaves on me truly lives forever.

Yet, even in sadness I celebrate life, and the circle it entails.

I am convinced that every soul has a journey that they are destined to take part in. Some lives are long and some are simply cut short due to circumstances beyond our control. This notion is often hard to accept and sometimes its difficult to believe that we don't necessarily get to "run the show." There is a line that is drawn which lies between the soul's journey, and the line in which we do have control. This causes many questions deep down in all of us, especially in time like these. Many questions follow accidents, suicides, murders, and that little cliche that  "it was just their time." There is also the advancement of scientific medicine. Often, modern medicine can create amazing miracles, but it also carries the burden of prolonging pain and suffering preventing them the peace they long for. Quite a quandary in this give and take of what we can and cannot manipulate in this life and what we choose to give up to your and my higher being we choose to believe.

However, I do know this:

Our loved ones  live through us in many complicated, yet simple ways. They leave footprints on our soul. In those moments, they cross your mind throughout your day without announcement, but just by chance.Its in those funny little moments through your day they cross your mind, that they are present with you.

I get up for work every morning and walk past a picture of my "adopted grandparents" placed in my bookcase. Most times, I walk past, simply getting on with my day, hustling to work or out to run errands. But every now and then, I stop and look, maybe say a prayer, sometimes even speak to them aloud explaining a current situation I am going through, asking them for their love and support.

It is in these small seconds, I feel their sense of being in my soul, and can truly feel their presence. Simply supporting me and listening as I go through life. Maybe even hearing an echo within my soul telling me in 20 years, I wont even remember what it was that troubled me so.

Even better yet, sometimes their presence comes through in a way that is a small habit I do, like an ingredient I choose to substitute in a recipe because it was shown to me. Memories come to me in flashes. And they bounce in and out of my mind, but never leave my soul if I choose to acknowledge it and their imprint is alive and well.

Life is funny and  how it goes. We tend to hang on to survivals guilt, wondering why their souls journey is different than our own. Often we feel guilty of not doing or saying enough to the people we love while they are here, or we forget to live our daily lives as if just possibly there is not tomorrow. But in the end, these are hard and heavy burdens to carry and prevent us from being present in our own situations.

What should lie behind our intentions is to love freely and unconditionally with no reserve and believe that there is a possibility of a place full of peace,  free of space and time, that is unfathomable, until you are there. Tell your friends, and family you love them. Smile to make someone’s day better because the simple act alone makes life more worthwhile. The circle of life is complicated, but there is a reason and purpose for every soul. Recognize that purpose and know that the person you may love and miss is carried within you. In those little moments you laugh aloud by yourself by just a memory of them, they are most certainly with you and permeate your being. This I find to be the most comforting of all, this overwhelming sense that they are there.  For me, it is something I do not feel I make up to make myself feel better or create an answer, it just simply is. It is only my job to accept it.

I truly feel they are there and you are more complete and fulfilled that you were a part of their journey. You would not be the same person without them, and the beauty of it all is that they were destined to be your father, mother, grandparent or friend.

So be overfilled (and when I use the term overfilled it is not to be taken lightly) with joy and gratitude that you were blessed to be a part of them and that they are still with you. They will never leave, for they live through you, they always have, and they always will.

Sade - Kiss Of Life

rolling in the deep, wiser today than yesterday

06/28/2011

Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study. Be a student so long as you still have something to learn, and this will mean all your life. ~Henry L. Doherty

You learn something every day if you pay attention. ~Ray LeBlond


I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday. ~Abraham Lincoln

Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will. ~Vernon Howard


I've learned alot of new things today, and for the past six months I've seen, felt, and dealt with an influx of information. It's amazing actually when you are so much more open to inviting new information into your mind the overload can cause cerate havoc on your brain, but in a good way, like a slurpee brain freeze.
I've recently started an extremely challenging job that requires writing skills, patience and is a flood of new information and concepts in which my learning curve has been extended into my wildest dreams.

In fact, (a side note) I've wanted to share via blog more the job I have now is in part of this exact blog-thread I'm writing to you now. During my interview, my boss expressed to me I was a great candidate and was drawn to my personality. He calmly asked me, " But Brooke, my one concern is that I don't know if you have writing skills, do you read or write in your spare time?" In a panic, I blurted out that I write all of the time (which is true sans a writers block), my minor was in journalism, oh and "I have a blog". Suddenly, my personal blog was linked to my career. I had a split second to think about what I said and a flash of past blogs blew through my mind like a wind in a tunnel. Maybe I should not have said that because now he wants a sample writing...

After the interview, I ran home, called my mom, talked to my friend Nesia and decided to send some edited blogs from the past, along with a thank you note for my interviewees time. I had nothing to lose at this point (which is the best place to be, in my opinion). So my blog was sent off to a potential employer. Needless to say, what was I thinking?  Is this relatable to proposal writing for well over $300 million projects?

 He never commented on his reading, but it obviously didn't kill my chances because I got the position. I would've like to have thought he was so enamored with my interview that I already had the position he was just doing the "protocol."

You never know what little things make a difference.  Everyday you learn something new. For me that particular day I learned I have the gall not only to blog in the fist place but ALSO and use it to try for a job. After all, Tyra Banks landed her first job off of a passport photo. You never know.

Which leads me to this blog, random in nature to me.
My mind is turned in several different ways the past few months so I'm not kidding when I stress random blog. I've changed the theme of this blog a million times already and I already want to switch gears in my head and bust out Haiku's. See? Random. But so be it.

But back to my  theme for today which is learning everyday....

There are a couple things that I didn't know prior to sitting here.

One thing I never knew was the words that the background singers say in Adeles Song: "Rolling In The Deep." I always pay attention to parts of a song that add a layer of richness in the background. I was dying to read the lyrics and find out what those background ladies are singing... The song is great and I think her album is currently no. 1 in 17 countries. I'm not the only one loving on this song. The parenthesis say it all.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
I can't help feeling,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep.
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat.
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)


SO know I now... I quite easily learned something new on my own accord with a bit of curiosity and some research. And now I can sing that part in my car all the way to work.

Next thing I noticed today was a little paper mache` heart my dear friend Camille got for me me last Valentines day. It is white with little pieces of paper from a French newspaper constructed in layers and hangs on my door. Because I can't determine what it says, it has always held a sense of mystery  I am so drawn to. Here is what it said and I translated it:

French:
Bent arprentait son bureau.
Chet traville pour Rourke.
Exani un article diffmatoire pour
En Bien, es etudes

Translates to:

Bent arprentait his office. Chet we sat for Rourke. Exani an article diffmatoire for Well, es studies..

That is not as romantic as it was in my head but now I know what it says or that the website I used to translate wasn't telling me the truth after all.

Some of these things may seem trite but it really has nothing to do with knowing more. It is the fact that I am open, willing to learn new things everyday, a vessel if I so choose to accept. But this is only a result of the invitation in my heart for it to be.

Learning something everyday is something worth noticing. People show themselves often in layers and you continue to learn about them like a tiramisu. And when you are open to it, the universe teaches you something new everyday. What a joy! Everyday you get a gift, sometimes the gift giveth too much, but take it all in. Find the joy in being a little wiser than before, it is all around you.

So, enjoy whatever it is you learn today. Take notice. You might use in the future, it might be a grain of wisdom only you will ever  know, or you may use it in ways you never thought would happen.

After all, you could've had it all.

*Update-  I worked writing proposals for a year and a half after that, learned so much, had a great boss I still use as a reference, and an overall great experience.  01/07/2017

O soave fanciulla - Anna Netrebko - Rolando Villazon